Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
