Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
love makes seman taste better
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
