We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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