i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
