90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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