how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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