You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
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How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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