i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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