ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
