Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
