Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
