Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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