I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
