i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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