the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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