awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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