PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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