i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
