Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
