I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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