new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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