Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
