just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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