in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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