OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
