theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
