just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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