holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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