I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
