none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
