Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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