i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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