yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
