We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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