i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?