i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.