He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This is the high leading the old right now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.