oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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