I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
