hell yes lets make some ravioli
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
