I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
