i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize