$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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