So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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