so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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