i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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