You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
