its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
