Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
