i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Randomize
