The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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