If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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