I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
