Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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