i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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