you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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