perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
