You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
