I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
