sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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