she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
