I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize