Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
