Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
