meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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