I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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