Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
