dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
