My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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