The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
