Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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