I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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