He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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