I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
