I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's always time for handjobs
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
