Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
