Whod you bang
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
