omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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