This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
