I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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