i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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