If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
