Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
