im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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