Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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