I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I love you. Go after that dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
